Week 26 to 31 June and Au Revoir to France

The happy couple

Best bridal table in France!

June started off with another visit from the Stormans which, in itself, was special enough, but it also included a wedding! Long story short, to pull the mini Stormans out of their very exclusive school a few days before the actual holidays began, they had to give the school a very good excuse.  This excuse manifested itself into a wedding; Big A’s and mine.  We didn’t know this until they arrived but luckily for us all, the white lie was easy to go along with as we’d already organized a street party as part of “Fête de Voisins” the day after they arrived. It is an old village tradition in France whereby the town hall gives the villagers tables and chairs and you sit outside inviting neighbours and friends to join you for food and wine.  The Schmiddies organized it all and as they now live downstairs in the cave, it was effortlessly pulled together with about 20 guests.  I cooked Thai Green Chicken Curry and everyone bought something to contribute.  Unbeknown to us, Mrs Schmiddie’s sister arrived with a couple of bouquets of flowers from a wedding she’d attended the day before, so the scene was set.  We even got the mock service officiated by someone associated with the town hall and a photo of the evening appeared in the Valbonne news!  It was a fabulous night.  

Our gorgeous Le Fete de Maison hosts

Bumchinya & Storman

The Stormans stayed for a week and we went to the beach, ate at Café Des Arcades (a lot), went for a day trip to the caves just beyond Grasse and generally had a great time catching up with them.  I even drove to Cap 3000 with Bumchinya. Cap 3000 is a large department store about 20 minutes from Valbonne and houses stores like Galaries Lafayette, H&M and Kooples.  It is a great place to drive to as the car park is open air and you can get into it and park without having to do a 3 point turn at each corner.  Otherwise it’s a place to avoid as it is really busy and full of high street sameness. 

Godmother and hubby in Nice

We had some lovely surprises in June when one of my best friends and her hubby came to visit for a long weekend.  Not only was it fabulous to share a few days with a close girlfriend having a wine and some great food in the square but it also gave us the opportunity to do the Valbonne to Biot walk through the brague. At least that should've shut Big A up a bit as he keeps complaining that neither I, nor the girls, ever want to do the 10km walk by the river.  But of course it won't last and before we know it, he will find something else to moan about.  We also had a visit from my godmother (GM) and her hubby.  My GM has lived overseas for most of my adult life so she has always been an inspiration to me to travel and live a big life full of adventure.  We only had dinner but as usual the time spent in their company was invaluable.  As we toy with the idea of staying in London, my GM and Paul only reenforced the excited of continuing the adventure by staying abroad a bit longer. It was a really great night.

    

Bumchinya's floral garland on Little A

June was also a time to meet some new people, the Waltons.  These guys are about 5 kids short of their TV namesakes… but I think the 2012 Mrs Walton has enough at 2, a boy and girl. What a lovely family and because they were Queenslanders living abroad, had been in France since the beginning of 2012, were living in Valbonne Village, their children had attended Ebica school and, in August, will be living in our village townhouse, we had a lot in common.  This included our fondness for the Schmiddies, so suffice to say we spent a lot of time together.  Mr Walton works every second month abroad so it was interesting hearing about his job managing an off-shore oil rig and what life in Uzbekistan is like.  I developed a real admiration for Mrs Walton as she told of her challenges in setting up her family in France without a word of French two days after her husband took off for work.  She was truly an inspiration for anyone who wants to mix their life up a bit and take a chance on a new adventure.  I’m sure she’ll do something the whole world will think is amazing one day and I hope to be there to toast her good fortune.  

Two of our high-lights included the bonfire night called Fête de la St.Jean and Le Fete de Music (or something like that).  Unfortunately for our rock star landlord we couldn't muster the energy to keep up and so, although making all the promises to "be back down in a minute", we retreated to the big house and left him in his cave to take his girl and head off to the gigs without us.  We did get the chance to hear some of the things that go on around the village and most of it was good.  Le Fete de Music is basically where anyone can grab an instrument and play.  In our confined village this could have been disastrous (and if replicated in Australia, where we are almost American with overinflated views of ourselves, I'm sure it would have been).  Luckily only the talented in France step out, instrument in hand.  The other festival, Fete de la St. Jean is a pagan tradition whereby the locals walk through the street with live fire on the end of a batton and through the barton into a huge bonfire.  After a while, led by the Major, the villages are allowed to jump over the burning mass ... all in the name of giving good luck for the crops that year.  Big A decided to watch the football while I was left with Middle and Little A.  Unbeknown to me, someone gave them both a live baton and Little A nearly caused a 000 call (although in France it's 112).  It was very funny and I need to thank Mrs Walton for taking my girls for a jump over the bonfire when I, wisely I think, decided my sheer maxi dress might just not make it!!!!  Middle A was once again our brave little soldier going over twice, whilst Little A at the last minute decided to watch with mummy.  I'd love to show you the photos ... but I didn't take my camera so Mrs Walton if you're reading this.......(here are some photos provided by Mrs Walton..

Live flame in hands of 9 & 6 year olds...

and off we go in the most dangerous parade ever!

Hundred of live flames into big wood heap = big fire

The finale.. jumping over the once big fire.

The Waltons had a taste for the fine bubbles, so after our first dinner together where we “pushed the boat out”, I retreated back to my €3.50 carafe of rose and left them to it.  When you are on a $300 a day budget, you can’t really afford to purchase $60 bottles of champagne!  We all had a number of great days in the square including an oyster and champagne dinner with a couple of the Schmiddies friends – the Count and Countess of the Caribbean.  Yes real blue bloods with such great stories.  In fact the one thing you are guaranteed in Europe is that everyone has a story and most of them are tremendously interesting.  So Big A and Mrs Walton sat down to hear wonderful tales of A list celebrities visiting their 5 star hotels over the years.  They were very humble with it and I know made a big impression on Big A who just loves hearing a bit of dirt about the “polished” and “posed” glitterati. 

Friends of Vignal Tennis Club

There were also a few sad notes in June, not just because we had to leave but also because our tennis club was sold to someone who had visions of developing it (boo) and our girls got caught up in some rather nasty bullying.  It had been escalating over the months but we had put it down to girls being girls and a bit of jostling over friends and popularity.  There were only a few girls involved but they were nearly all in Middle A’s class and a few were sisters.  I will refrain from going into the details as I don’t want it to dominate this update but we became so uncomfortable about the whole situation including the girls, school and parents, that we ended up pulling the girls out of school early.  Unfortunately this meant that they missed their end of year concert that promised to be a magical afternoon; but we didn’t feel we had any other option.  Not being at the concert gave rise to a lot of discussion and afterwards mothers rang me and came to our house to support our decision.  They said they’d been aware of the issues with these girls and that it wasn’t just our girls being picked on, there had been many others. They also told us that the bullying girls would be leaving the school a week early so Middle and Little A returned to school for the last two days to say goodbye and end the year on a high. We’ve moved on and have only happy memories of Valbonne, but at the time it was the darkest days we’ve ever spent as parents and the first time my girls ever saw their mother sob.  

House sitting - French Villa Style

So onto lighter things.  We ended our time in Valbonne with a fantastic four days housesitting for the Kritslammers while they were away visiting family.  This included looking after their amazing pool, two dogs, three cats, six sections of grass and one strip of ivy.  In between feeding, weeding and watering we invited the Schmiddies over for a seafood lunch and swim.  Mr Schmiddie got the guitar out and demonstrated some of the talent that saw him catapulted to fame in the 70’s with the punk band, The Physicals; and Mrs Schmiddie, already a stunner, showed us just how she captured the heart of her punk rocker following a session of hair and makeup by Little A.  In fact we all had a session with Little A, but we all agreed Mrs Schmiddie’s results were the most……  breathtaking!  With a little tear and very heavy of heart, we said our goodbyes to the Schmiddies, Valbonne Village, the Brague, Vignal Tennis Club and all the people we’d met during the past 5 months and headed off to Italy.  

The end of June was my dad’s birthday, unfortunately I never know what to get him when I live an hour away, so the task of buying him a present he’d appreciate from 10,000kms away was an impossible task.  So I sent him a card (that he still hasn’t got) and the girls sent him an email – oh and we called.  I’ll make it up to him in August when I have an equally challenging task of finding a present for my mother’s 70^th.

Big A's perspective to follow....

BIG A

Jesus…another wedding…I would have more enthusiastic to have another handbag in the house!

Thanks Stormans !

However, as it turned out having the “Le Fete du Maison” street party on at the same time (and a huge quantity of pastis, champers, beers and wine!) made the whole wedding thing seem like almost a ‘normal’ thing to do….and the Child Bride is a little cracker of a girl and I still consider myself a lucky boy…so what the hell! I have very little recollection of the evening or the bouquet of flowers that just appeared from nowhere…although I do remember the ‘vicar’ who was very solemn, calm and succinct….…if only the real wedding had been this quick…on top of a Santorini mountain in 40 degrees listening to priest babble on in Greek for what seemed like days! On another note..I must have been hammered but not as much as Jacques must have been …Jacques is a good looking guy in his 60’s that plays a lot of tenis, including tournaments, has a beautiful wife and is apparently destined to be the next Mayor of a nearby village (a very special position in France). Jacques speaks very little English and unfortunately for him we began to talk about tennis at the Vignal tennis Club and then just kept going, discussing all manner of things including how he was a champion rugby player in Paris before he went on national service in North Africa, how he came to be in the South of France, The Brague (always the Brague!), the upcoming French presidential election, the Russian problem on the Cote D’Azur and his love of tennis. The Schmiddies and Child Bride were particularly impressed with this although I’ve no doubt poor Jacque was very forgiving of my imperfect French and spoke very slowly for my benefit.

Once again it was great to see the Stormans…..I derive no end of amusement from observing Mr Storman who is an absolute fruit-cake obsessed with buying plastic crap from the cheap, plastic crap shops and constantly on the go….taking him to the beach and watching him try to sit still for longer than 30 seconds is fascinating and very amusing. In 2 hours at the beach he had taken the kids for a walk up and down the beach twice, scoured the beachfront shops for plastic crap and acquired various beach toys and the poshest beach mat I’ve ever seen and found a place to eat lunch….all without ever having actually got his feet wet!

The presence of Bumchinya and her black Harrods card obviously prompted Billie to take to the roads in Reggie Renault for only the second time ever…what that woman will do for a shopping spree is truly amazing. I doubt she would have driven me to the hospital if I had needed to go but  give her the chance to drive to the shops …..this was not an opportunity for her to miss!

Art Investors United Inc

Along with our new found friends The Waltons we seemed to spend most days in the company of the Schmiddies drinking, eating and talking…just wonderful. Papa Walton kinda reminded me a bit of Mr Storman…doesn’t like to sit still and is always looking to invest in something. His lime green running shoes were a sight I shall never forget! Mama Walton was just lovely and a very easy person to spend some time with. On one particular occasion we spoke to the Count of the Caribbean for what must have been hours one evening…what an impressive story and humble guy. His stories of managing a boutique hotel on an remote Kenyan Island and world famous celebrity hotel in the Bahamas and the endless list of A-listers that stayed there was fantastic. Spending ones time between an island in the Bahamas, a small village in Wales, Virginia (USA) and Valbonne seems like a pretty cool way to spend your life to me! 

As for the bullying episode…we had previously had a really good relationship with the parents of the kids involved. He was a massive rugby and golf fan and seemed like a genuinely really nice guy. She too seemed really nice albeit a bit ‘out there’. But both were extremely busy and what was truly disappointing to me was that she seemed to be far more focused on managing the perceptions of her peers regarding the bullying episode than actually dealing with the bullying itself. I do know that is was comforting to the Child Bride that a handful of parents confirmed that their kids had been bullied too and supported what we had done. I am proud of the Child Bride and for what we did and honestly believe we raised an ugly issue that nobody else was prepared to raise and as such the parents and the school are now in a much better place to identify and deal with it.

However, having your children and wife so upset and crying their eyes out is a very sobering experience….my primary job is fundamentally to look after them and this trip was all about positive experiences wasn’t it? With hindsight would I manage it differently next time?…yes…but would I do it again?....absolutley. Kids must trust that when they tell their parents they are being bullied that their parents do something about it. Otherwise the kids will internalize it and wont tell their parents anything.

My final morning jog in the Brague before we headed off to the Kritslammers to house sit was a very sad affair. I had taken to jogging up their in the hills above the Brague every morning and as much as I derive no pleasure from exercise I loved my morning jaunts in the Brague…I cant explain why. So on my final jog I did feel a definite pang of sadness as this would no doubt be the last time I would jog there…well I would have if a giant, vicious cocker spaniel hadn’t tried to eat me!  Monsieur Le Marquis De La Brague has left the building! Lets hope the people of Valbonne look after her for future generations to enjoy as I have.

The same must be said of the Vignal Tennis Club. I doubt I will ever join another tennis club. That club was just perfect. You could be playing on a court with the Prince Of Belgium on one side and a bunch of rowdy of 5 year olds on the other. So not pretentious or snobby. So not posh. So relaxed. I do hope the new owners maintain those characteristics, as the character of the place is just wonderful.

The Kritzslammers are another fantastic family. Father Kritslammer is an impossible guy to dislike. He is so enthusiastic and positive and full of beans. And the way he manages the household whilst the wife is out working is truly amazing…mowing and watering the 14 sections of their vast lawn, managing the fruit trees, cutting his own hair….their is no end to his talent…but I’ve no doubt the stress of having to constantly make dinner reservations and order takeaways will finally take its toll and force him to build a functioning kitchen in his house after 2 years!

As for Mother Kritslammer …what a gem. So easy to spend time with and willing to pay herself out and her husband. Who else would go to France and work as a doctor without actually understanding any French! That’s guts! There is absolutely no side to this couple – what you see is what you get. The way they left the UK and set up a life in France, first in Chamonix and later in the south is truely inspiring. I genuinely really enjoyed the time I spent with them and their daughter was just a beautiful girl – exactly the sort of girl that any parent would want their daughter to hang out with.

The time we spent house-sitting for the Kritslammers was wonderful although I’m sure the animals have psychological damage from the constant attention  our kids! The seafood lunch we had with the Schmiddies was fantastic and after a great day watching Monsieur Schmiddie revert to him former glam rock days, complete with tight pants and makeup it was with more than a little sadness that we said our farewells.

I was genuinely extremely sad to be leaving France. I adore the place and would love to retire there. The weather; the language; the countryside; the villages; the water and the people…..Merci France; J’adore. Je vais revenir. Now to conquer Italy!

Weeks 20 - 26 School Holidays and Magical May...

Hard at work on the balcony

The school holidays started on the 23^rd April and ran for 2.2 weeks.  We had already booked a two bedroom beach house in Eze Sur Mer which lies between Cap D’Ail and Beaulieu, near Monaco.  The area is most famous for it’s more celebrated holiday makers namely The Edge and Bono who, along with some billionaire Russians, have holiday homes there. 

On the beach at Eze

The house was called Flanc D’Roche and was located 200 meters from the nearest road, just above the train line, over looking the Med and a little semi private beach.  The place had been specially located by the ever talented travelling sloth (oops, sleuth) Big A who knows how to uncover the best accommodation in the most perfect location with picturesque views.  So it came as no surprise that our little semi private beach also doubled as the local nudist beach.  Unfortunately for Big A, most of the nudes were of the male persuasion so our first exciting trip to the beach was abruptly met by a resounding shrill from Big A (who, oddly enough seemed to be positively skipping along only moments beforehand) of “fall back, fall back”.   Determined, and to be fair, completely ignorant to the eye candy that lay ahead, I took the lead and pushed forward.  The girls, unaccustomed to free flowing willies en-mass, were very funny and completely inappropriate which only made the situation more comical.  It’s odd how we all (well Big A and I) turn into 5 year olds with things like nudity, people falling over and the sound (but not the smell) of people passing wind!

The walk from the road to the house.

In addition to the local scenery (which we continued to “enjoy” on a regular basis), the beach house had breathtaking uninterrupted views of the Mediterranean Ocean.  The house was so close to the sea that you could hear the waves through the day and night, something I have always considered to be one of the best sounds in the world.  The owner, known here as Monsieur Danseur was staying the apartment attached to the house and we had the chance to hear all about the area, it’s residents and himself.  Such a lovely and interesting guy who was at one time one of the world’s best male ballet dancers who performed with Nureyev, Fonteyn and Baryshnikov.  Since retiring from dance he has worked for billionaires organising, amongst other things, their 3kgs of Boluga Caviar to be transported in their private plane from Russia to Monaco and onto South Africa (as you do) .  It made us realize just how so many people in Europe seem to have a great story to tell.  Either they have been notable in their day, know famous people intimately and/or have a life story that would rival a Bronte or Dickens novel.

It was really great catching up with Monsieur Danseur and we could have talked to him all day but we had too much to see and do.  We hadn’t been to Nice yet so we took a day trip to Nice, spending most of the time walking around the Monday morning markets, taking the girls on a train ride around the old town and having lunch at the seafood restaurant “Le Grand Bleu”.  It was quite windy so we didn’t spend much time on the Promenade Des Anglais but you could see that it was a beautiful stretch of beach that went right along the front of the city.

Outside Eze Les Roses

Promenade Des Anglais - Nice

Whilst at Eze we also celebrated my birthday.  After stalking Bono at his beach house “Eze Les Roses” Big A took us on another one of his, “let’s see how much I can p*ss the girls off this time” excursions to find the nearby beach side restaurant he’d read about.  We walked about 1km along a large pebble beach (in sandals) until we came upon the place only to find that due to the relentless wind, and therefore no customers, they decided to close early! So with our bellies now positively growling, we headed back to the marina in Beaulieu.  The normal cheap and cheerful carafe was replaced by a half decent bottle of rosè, the location was great and the girls were on their best behavior, so we all had a lovely time.  We ate at a few restaurants over the week including African Queen (poor service, very expensive and average food), La Maison du Beaulieu (good food, great service but expensive) both in Beaulieu and Le Grand Bleu (good value seafood restaurant and location, right in the old town of Nice).

Jimmy's Killer Prawns

When we got back to Valbonne the Kritslammers recriprocated a playdate for little and middle A and afterwards we met up at Jimmy’s Killer Prawns for dinner.  The restaurant puts on an all you can eat prawn night for about €30.  It was a great night made especially enjoyable by watching Big A and Senior Kritslammer challenge each other in just how many prawns they could put away before causing themselves an injury. 

Goodbye Nice

A few days later I was off to London.  It was a birthday gift from Big A and the girls.  Having spent the last 5 months together 24/7 it was weird being apart but my friends in London did a sterling job of keeping me from wallowing in the despair of separation that could have quickly taken hold (that one’s for you Big A).  I even managed to add to our bag collection which Big A rejoiced for days afterwards about (if you’re a regular follower of our blogs you can just imagine this happening - NOT).  He even had the girls asking me why on earth I needed “another” bag.  Apparently the argument that it was a family heirloom didn’t work on them either!!! 

Hello London

The stand out restaurant in London was La Trompette.  It is a Michelin Star restaurant just off Chiswick High Street.  We all had the Chateaubriand and it was one of the best meals I’ve had on the entire trip.  We went on a Thursday night and although I didn’t have it, they did have a £19 fix price menu for 2 courses – which I thought was great value. 

My last night in London was spent listening to the fabulous news of one of my dearest friends who has been trying to have a baby for many years.  She is one of the most beautiful people I know and her story is heartbreaking.  Suffice to say that after many agonizing years with unsuccessful attempts to fall pregnant she and her husband are finally at the end of the adoption process and we toasted the news of their baby girl by the river in Richmond.  I can’t wait to meet her and see the new mum and dad in action.  After 4 glorious days in London I returned with a renewed love for the great city and determination to try and convince the rest of the family that London is where we should be basing ourselves after our stint in Greece.

Cannes Film Festival - Amateur Red Carpet

Cannes Film Festival - "Bunny"

The month of May started off slowly once I’d arrived back from London.  Big A and I got into a routine of running (for Big A) and yoga (for me) in the morning and tennis in the afternoon.  On the 12^th May we moved downstairs into the cave for a week while our flat was rented out.  We met up with the Kritslammers for dinner at the Valbonnaise Pizzeria and drinks in the square and generally pushed a lot of business towards the Café Des Arcades.  By the middle of May things started to pickup with the Cannes Film Festival and Monaco Historic and Formula 1 Grand Prixs.

Cannes has become one of my favourite cities.  It has enough restaurants, shopping, beaches and buzz to make it enjoyable on a number of different levels.  The Cannes Film Festival just lifts the buzz and magnifies it ten fold.  We didn’t see a lot of people from the Hollywood scene but we did manage to be in Cannes on the night Brad Pitt was in town.  I managed to convince Big A that it would be fun to see Mr Pitt walk the red carpet so we perched ourselves on the steps of Chanel and waited 1 hour for a 10 minute glimpse.  Big A was not impressed, but hey at least we can say “we saw Brad Pitt on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival”.  For me it was another tick off the bucket list and there was another one to follow.

Le Bar Americain (Post lunch)

Big A had toddled off by himself to the Historic Grand Prix in Monaco when we had our week in the cave.  We could have taken the girls and all gone but decided Big A would have a more enjoyable time going solo on this one.  It ended up being quite chilly so I’m glad we stayed at home.  The real excitement was to follow two weeks later with the Formula One Grand Prix.

Salle Empire in Hotel Du Paris

We’d been in contact with the Living the Dreamers from Brisbane earlier in the year and knew they were arriving in Monaco for 1 day on Thursday the 24^th May.  After carefully analyzing the Grand Prix dates we decided to kill two birds with one stone and meet the Living the Dreamers in Monaco for lunch during the F1 practice sessions.  This way we could have a truly memorable day by booking a lunch at the famous Hotel Du Paris in the Salle Empire, get an amazing seat in the grandstand at Casino Square and be as close as possible to the F1 cars as they did their practice laps twice throughout the day.  After dropping Big A off at the grandstand I met the Living the Dreamers at the entrance to Hotel Du Paris around 10.30am.  The lunch didn’t open until 12 so we went in to Le Bar Americain where we got a window seat about 2 meters from the track.  We asked for a drinks menu only to be told there wasn’t one but the waiter gave us his.  The cheapest beer was 30 Euros and the cheapest bottle of wine was 140 Euros.  We just about dies but you only do this kind of thing once and our seats in Le Bar Americain were priceless.  We headed into the Salle Empire around 12.30 where, in an attempt to get our money's worth we downed an impressive amount of red and white wine (even Big A who hates red wine got stuck in).  Suffice to say that it was a day that will go down as one of my top 10 although some of the afternoon is a bit hazy!  Especially the bit where we had the audacity to get the staff to "reserve" our un-reservable table right next to the window in Le Bar Americain in case we wanted to continue our post lunch merriment.  There was also a mysterious red wine "spray" up Big A's white sleeved shirt and the fact that we forgot to change trains at Nice so we went all the way back to Monte Carlo... and back again!  Yes indeed it was a very good day.  Alas now we are looking down the barrel of our final month in Valbonne.  

View from the Grandstand of Casino Square

Big A’s perspective:

First of all….the beach house in Eze Sur Mer – a fantastic hideaway so close to Monaco we could have walked there. Not that we did of course. The children and child Bride seem to have lost the use of their lower limbs and wont walk anywhere. 

So back to Eze. I just don’t get the whole nude sunbathing thing, especially when those that appear to partake in this activity are so old they have to be careful walking on the beach to ensure they don’t tread on their scrotums! Although we were fortunate enough to have a 40-ish couple plant themselves next to us in all their glory. Sorry but there are some areas of your body where factor 50 just cant be applied….and definitely not on the beach in front of ‘spectators’!  Lying on their sides looking at each other but top to toe she positively beamed at the prospect of exposing her clean-shaven vaj to anyone that ventured onto the beach whilst he even raised one leg to give the world a more obvious view of his miniature tackle.

He didn't even seem to be put off when one of my kids shouted out to me that "that man has a 'doodle' just like yours Dad... only much, much, much, MUCH smaller.  Ok, maybe she only said ‘much’ once!

As for Bono’s house…..I’m sure it’s a lovely place and I was disappointed I didn’t get asked around for a beer and sing-song but if I had his money I wouldn’t choose Eze for a holiday home…right on the beach it maybe but it’s a stoney beach after all….and the Russians…they will buy anything as long as its tacky and expensive and another Russian wants to buy it!

And far from receiving any acolodaes for my attempts to do something nice for the Child Bride on her birthday I received grief again …this time it was obviously my fault that a force 10 gale was howling on the coastline and the restaurants had all shut for the day. We did get to see Bono’s ‘back door’ however…that alone I thought would have pleased her even if it meant a short stroll down on the beach…but it didn’t! I have obviously spoilt the Child Bride so much to date that her expectations are so massive when it comes to her birthday that I have no chance of ever meeting them.

Although she did receive a trip to London on her own for a few days…not bad eh girls!!! A much needed break for everyone…even the people in Valbonne gave a sigh of relief! The girls and I had a fantastic few days. We went to Marineland in Antibes, Crazy Golf and for a fishing trip to the Brague…yes they even walked. Amazing what they will do when their mother isn’t around!

Unfortunately our respite was short-lived….the Child Bride returned with some small presents for us which was nice….but failed to reduce my absolute dismay when she exhibited the present she had bought herself in London…just what we needed  on our backpacking adventure around the world…a Louis Vouton handbag…unbelievable…how does that woman’s mind work!!

The month of May for me was all about the Historic and Formula 1 Grand Prix. Unfortunately my enthusiasm wasn’t shared by the rest of the pack however. The Historic GP of Monaco is fabulous and inexpensive. A 10 euro train trip to Monaco and a 40 euro seat was all I needed. I made some sandwiches the night before and packed myself some fruit, a bottle of water, some factor 50 and a hat. Unfortunately I didn’t require the hat or the sunscreen as it was overcast, quite cold and actually rained. I just wish my dad could have been there as he would have absolutely loved it. What a day!

In between the Historic GP and the F1 GP I had to endure the Cannes Film Festival. I thought I had done enough by taking her out to lunch in Cannes and a quick walk along the Croisette and past all of the film festival ‘stuff’….but no….we had to go back again…..and this time whilst at the restaurant she received an SMS informing her that Brad Pitt was to be walking the red carpet that evening….so we had to rush back to pick up the girls form school and then rush back to Cannes in time to see the man himself for a fleeting 5 minutes. Luckily there were only another 5000 people there to see him so it was a very intimate meeting…. and even though we were a football field away from him with 8 palm trees, a truck and 90 cameramen obscuring our view…apparently it was worth it and the Child Bride left Cannes a happy girl!

Things were a little more complicated for the F1 GP…maybe the catalyst for that was the fact the Child Bride wanted to come to the F1 GP. To give you some sort of idea just as to how different my Historic GP experience was to the F1 GP experience….we spent 6 weeks looking for an outfit for her for the F1 GP…. she unfortunately forgot to pick her pants up from the shop where they had to be altered so couldn’t wear her ‘GP outfit’…much to my subtle amusement!!…so after all that she had to wear something she had in her pack anyway.

And whereas my day at the Historic GP had cost a total of 50 euros (including the money I DIDN’T spend on an outfit!!) …the Child Bride-assisted F1 experience was slightly more expensive…..1200 euros!!!

Having said that …wow….what a day. A wonderful seat in the ‘B’ Grandstand at Casino Square, lunch in the Salle Empire and a few outrageously expensive beers and wines at the Bar Americain…..worth every penny! Catching up with the ‘Living the Dreamers’ was brilliant. What a great couple….although I have to agree with the Bulimba Bitcheratzi - they do tend to travel a bit too much for my liking! Unfortunately we said goodbye far to quickly… Mr ‘Living the Dream’ had to rush off back to their cruise ship with a case of the dodgies…he said it must have been something he ate on board the ship…that’s what happens when you take one of those cheap wine appreciation cruises folks…they travel too much anyway!  It must have been a great day though as the Child Bride and I spent 3 hours getting home for a journey that shouldn’t have taken more than an hour….and although I did have a white shirt covered in splattered red wine…her singing on the train was obviously far more offensive!

Weeks 14 – 19 Valbonne

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Following our week skiing in Isola we met our landlords, the Schmidies, at our new house in Valbonne.  This was not without a little vomit on the way by middle A.  Poor thing she really doesn’t travel well which will be interesting when we head off (by car) through Italy!  Anyway, we got the keys and moved our stuff in.  Our villa is right in the village and whilst the little cobble streets are just wide enough for a car it really isn’t suitable to drive through (unless you are a crazy local).   We have 3 double bedrooms, two bathrooms, two lounge areas and a kitchen spread over 3 floors which are accessed by traditional stone steps and then steps that look more like a ladder they are so steep.  The villa has so much space that we decided to stay out of the top bedroom and en-suite to preserve it for any guests we might have.  The girls have commandeered the second lounge room, also on the top level, for their American Girls and rehearsing their plays and concerts.  The Schmidies had filled the house with flowers and supplies making us feel truly welcomed.  It was a stark contrast to our experience in Isola. 

Our backyard and village square

While we were skiing Big A had managed to get UVA burn to both his eyes.  This meant that he was in a lot of pain and for the remainder of the girls’ school holidays we managed to occupy ourselves with our French lessons (more on that below), catching up on some school work, visiting the English Bookstore http://www.englishbookcentre.com/ to purchase a couple of books and hire some English speaking DVDs,  short lunches in the square and one trip to Monaco.  Monte Carlo (Monaco) is a 45 min drive from Valbonne.  We had lunch at the Café de Paris and strolled around the port and along the track of the Grand prix.  It’s hard not to feel like an under-achiever though with all he amazing exhibitions of material success on the streets and in the water!  We piled back into our leased Renault Scenic and, after a few wrong turns, headed home.

The Brague

5 weeks on we are all settled.  Big A has managed to find some running and walking tracks around the Brague (without getting lost) which has made him immensely happy and I have a plan to visit every restaurant in the village.  It’s funny I never thought about a career as a restaurant critic but this could be the perfect thing for a food lover like me – and certainly gives me the excuse to eat out more often!  I guess I’ll have to join Big A on his runs and walks every now and again to burn off my consumption of food or my girth could be in big trouble by the time I leave!  I’m ok for now though as eating out has been cut back to accommodate some other expenses; the Monaco Grandprix,  French lessons and  tennis club membership.  This is funny as I am rubbish at languages (even though my mother thinks I have a keen ear – bless her) and I am rubbish at tennis.  The grandprix is on the bucket list though so that makes it worth it.

Markets in Valbonne (right outside our front door)

We kicked off French lessons just before we went skiing with a language school called Elika.  Elika is run but this beautiful French woman called Elisabeth.  I don’t normally use real names in my blog but she deserves a plug.  I split my lessons between Elisabeth and Berenger (gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous).  I loved them both.  I also picked up a lot of French in the 20 lessons I did over 2 weeks and learnt how to ask questions, all about the 4 golden rules, avoir & etre, prende, mettre and faire, a stack of verbs, adjectives and nouns and a trick to use when trying to identify an object as a male or female.  I would have loved to continue but 1 on 1 French lessons are not cheap and while Big A and I were spending 2 - 3 hours a day learning French we couldn’t afford to do anything else.  While it is Big A’s ambition to speak France (and regardless of what he says, he is well on his way to achieving this), I’d rather be out and about using a bit of French, English and sign language to get me by.  So we have put our lessons on hold for now and will decide what we will do to continue our French education.  As a side note, each morning before our lessons Big A and I would take a coffee at a sunny little café called L’ Australian.   After two visits there the guy behind the bar knew our order to the point we didn’t need to ask – he just delivered our coffee and hot chocolate after we’d seated ourselves – great Aussie hospitality from a French man in Valbonne!  

The local Vignal Tennis Club http://www.tennis-vignal.com/ is about 10 mins drive from home and is less “sophisticated” than the other private clubs we’ve been to.  It has a pool, restaurant and is set in bushland which feels like it’s in the middle of nowhere.   We’ve made friends with the tennis coach (who just happens to be another Gorman), the restaurant owner “boss” and one of the regulars “Biggles”.   It’s a lot of fun.  The girls take lessons each Wednesday afternoon and Big A and I play every other day – which is fun for me and frustrating for him!  Big A actually gave “boss” a hand one Monday when he had a booking for a large group.  I hung around with Middle A and Zar (who was visiting for the UK school holidays).  It’s very chilled out and we love spending time there.  Boss needs to figure out how he can make money from the restaurant as the locals like eating and drinking but struggle to pay.  He’s new to the place so I’m sure he’ll find his way eventually.

Lunch at St Paul de Vence

So back to the food…  in Valbonne we have managed to eat out at Le Kasmir (Indian), Cafes des Arcades (French), Restaurant Pizzeria le Valbonnais (French / Italian), Le Pigout (Moroccan), Terra Rossa (French), Le Creperie Valbonnais (French) and Jimmy’s Killer Prawn (Prawns!).  They all have their own highlights (except for the Creperie which was unfortunately very poor).  Le Kashmir, Pizzeria Valbonnais, Jimmys and Cafes des Arcades are our favourites and we go back there regularly.   We have about another 12 restaurants to go before we can claim to have dined at all the local establishments, but we are well on our way!  

We’ve done a fair amount of sight-seeing since we’ve been living on the Cote D’Azur.  Some highlights include:

Dolceacqua

Dolceacqua Old Town

Dolceacqua …. An hour and 30 mins drive away in Italy.  Dolceacqua is a wonderful medieval village dominated by an 11^th century castle.  It has the most spectacular old village which is quite cavernous, set under the castle almost in the mountain and by a beautiful stream.  Walking around the ancient town is like walking through tunnels.  The locals say there is nothing like it and I believe them.  We spent a couple of hours walking around and then left for Sanremo, 30 mins drive away.  

Sanremo … probably not a town I’d go back to as there are so many other more interesting and beautiful locations but it was nice to pop in and have some lunch in Italy while we were on that side of the border.  A fantastic frito misto and salad at Dick Turpins (???) overlooking the port on a sunny Thursday definitely beats working!

Saint Tropez … It took us 1.30mins to get there but the locals say in summer it’s more like 3 hours due to the traffic.  We hung out in the old town near the port, bought a great pastel sketch from one of the artists around the port and had an over priced totally hideous salad and sandwich at lunch at Senquier (apparently a landmark in Saint Tropez???)  We loved the port and will hopefully go back to the beaches before the tourist season begins but we will never be back to Senquier.

Juan Le Pins … 15 mins away with a great public beach and about 10 beach restaurants to choose from.

Chilling out at Juan Le Pins

Gordon … 30 mins away.  A tiny medieval village dominated by a castle on the edges of a cliff.  A perfect place to go for a drive on an overcast day when it isn’t so great on the beach (and these days are rare here).  

Grasse… 15 mins away.  The parfum capital of the world and home to Fragonard, one of the oldest perfumeries.  Fragonard has a free museum and factory tours.  There are probably more interesting museums and factories to visit but they charge.

View from Eze Chateau Gardens

Eze… 35 mins away.  A medieval village and chateau set on the cliffs above the French coastline.  Its one of the prettiest villages in France and a must see for the cruise ships that pass along the coastline.  Lunch here is at a premium because of the view.  A one restaurant the mains range between €50 and €950 a plate (but then again it includes Beluga!).  A cheaper option is to grab a takeaway and eat in the gardens – which are spectacular and have billion dollar views.  Unfortunately it was too chilly the day we went so we headed for some shelter.  We ate at yet another restaurant, La Taverne, serving average Italian food.  

I’m not sure if it’s because pizza and pasta are cheap and you don’t have to be a sensational cook to create an edible dish or the proximity to Italy or a combination of all of the above but there seems to be a dominance of restaurants in the area selling Italian food – and most of it is average!  Can’t wait for Italy, I just hope that I’m not completely OVER pizza and pasta by then!  

Eze Gardens and sea view

We’ve had a few interesting social events including a wonderful easter egg hunt on Easter Sunday at the Schmidies home.  I think Madame Schmidie planted over 10 kilos of eggs in her garden for our 4  children to find (we had the Stormans visiting).  We also got invited to a birthday party by one of the school families. They had only invited 3 other families to join them so we felt very honored to have been given the invitation.  It was a lovely afternoon drinking ‘too much’ wine and meeting some of the characters you expect to find in one of the most glamorous parts of the world.  Big A did equate it to a sophisticated version of the Real Housewives of OC.

We’ve had a visit by the Stormans over the UK Easter break which was great.  We took them to some of our favourite haunts and hope they had a lovely time.  They left 2 days ago and we now have a week to go before we pack up for a week at the beach and enjoy 2 weeks of French school holidays.  It’s raining today which is rare so let’s hope it breaks before Friday!

Big A’s perspective:

Following our epic ski trip I ended getting an acute infection in both eyes and having 3 weeks of visits to the doctors, eyedrops, pills, eye pain and headaches. Apparently the UV rays were the cause, so our family activity for the last week of the girls vacation pretty restricted.

Having said that we did take off for a day in Monaco. The drive took about 45 minutes and was pretty straightforward until you hit Monaco. I will definitely disregard ‘English Jane’ and our GPS next time ….given the tunnels you need to pass through the GPS just goes mental and you could end up anywhere! Better to just follow the road signs.

We parked at the casino and then walked around a bit before heading back to the Casino square passing the numerous Bentley’s, Maserati’s, Ferraris, Rollers,…..although disappointingly they also let lowly BMW’s park there…god forbid!  

So …Café De Paris for lunch…..as one does. Monaco is a wonderful place to people-watch and the Café De Paris is a fantastic place to do this.

There are the newly wealthy Russians with bundles of cash, bling and young, sour-faced females in tow but absolutely no class at all…..the businessmen, the designer handbag dog, moi-moi kissing lunch-buddies,  those people who are trying to look as though they have money and those that are just there to look at others.

The number of Russians there was really surprising. However, apparently Russians are buying up the mega real estate on the South of France and prepared to pay a premium and are the only ones with money to buy mega yachts. The father of a girl that goes to school with Middle A is the skipper on a Russian-billionaires motor yacht….one of 5 he has around the Med with another 3 in the Caribbean…..obviously the GFC hasn’t affected everyone too badly! It will be interested to see what happens when Chinese and Indian money starts to arrive!

Cafe de Paris

As for the Café De Paris, the ambience was fantastic, service was OK, the food was just OK but very expensive….. but its something you (ie The Child Bride) just have to do…eat at the Café De Paris…another tick.  

As for the rest of Monaco… most of it is not what I would call a charming place. Its built around the sea, extending back up the steep hills behind and is actually tiny…..  not an inch of space is wasted. In the newer area where the casino is most of the buildings are either financial institutions, exclusive shops, exclusive hotels, exclusive restaurants or apartment buildings, and although the older part of town is lovely the architecture doesn’t rate with that of old Paris, London,  Barcelona etc. However, it is very clean, apparently very safe and oozes wealth and the harbor is very impressive.  

It  just so happened there was a car show on whilst we were in Monaco…..incredible….so I dragged the girls down to a vintage car show located opposite the Auto Club of Monaco where the pits are located for the grand prix. As you can imagine they were thrilled (NOT!) and as is the nature of all 3 of them…made their feelings known! Despite some stunning unrestored Bugatti’s and Ferrari’s and a couple of beautiful 1950’s Lago Talbots the number and caliber of cars was pretty poor. 

However, I have never seen so many Maser’s, Lambo’s, Ferrari’s, Porsche’s, Bentley’s, Roller’s around so for anyone interested in cars Monaco is amazing…wow…if only they had been from the 50’s or 60’s.

I didn’t see any graffiti or a single homeless person on the streets of Monaco. Now if I were a hobo I’d live in Monaco…sunny all year round…..strip off for a wash in the med, including your clothes….dry off in the sun for a while…..beg for a few hours outside the Banque Du Monaco…or even better…save up for a harmonica or ukulele and busk outside the Café De Paris.!

And speaking of busking or street performers…what better place to busk than Monaco?….I’m sure you must stand a better chance of being spotted here than in the London tube! But no buskers or street performers here thankyou very much….but maybe I’ve found my new vocation…all I have to do now is learn to do something that the mega rich and famous are prepared to donate small change for…even if it is just to shut me up!

So we decided to walk around Monaco for a little (coincidentally following the race track!!!). The girls were thrilled to walk around the Monaco Grand Prix circuit and take photos of various corners and sections of the track….NOT…especially when we just happened to find the most famous part of the track…the Loewes hairpin outside the Fairmont Hotel..… if you sit for 10 minutes at the Hairpin you are guaranteed to see a number of super cars giving it some on the approach to the hairpin and the short straight away from it and down towards the entrance of the tunnel….in such a confined area, the sounds of the engines are truly amazing…I could sit there for hours…..but I love cars…and my girls don’t…so we didn’t even manage 2 minutes before the whining started……so we ended our tour of Monaco and the track, headed back to the car and commenced the drive home. 

I must have the memory of a goldfish as I turned the GPS and ‘English Jane’ back on for the trip home. And as predicted the GPS sent us to an underground bunker and then around the city in circles for 10 minutes before we turned it off and followed the road signs. 5 euros (tolls) and 45 minutes later we were home in Valbonne after a wonderful, albeit expensive day out with my 3 girls in arguably the most exclusive city in the world…life’s good…another tick!

The next day the Child Bride and I decided to head over to the Vignal Tennis Club near Chateauneuf....the club itself is a wonderful, rambling old place…the type of place  where you feel a little worried that every time you sit down the chair might give way….I love it…so relaxed and not at all snooty.

So having spent a fortune in Monaco yesterday we obviously thought just hadn’t spent enough money today ….so we decided to join the tennis club.

We bought some cheap gear and went down for a hit and to see if the girls were interested in playing too. Both Middle A and Little A were ok for their first time and so we all agreed they would have lessons….our hope is for them to find a sport they like so  they will have at least one healthy activity in their lives!....I really do struggle with kids spending so much time playing on computers and watching TV.

So with a return to school drop-off and pick-up life for the Off Rampers went back to ‘normal’ ….with the exception of our first family invitation. Our girls have made some school friends since we’ve been here and we were invited by some parents to their house for a BBQ.

We arrived first in our little Renault…the gates to the house were more expensive than our entire house backhome! The driveway was long and winding and crept its way through the beautifully manicured gardens to the large house.

The ensemble included 5 couples and their kids:

1. A Danish multi millionaire sports agent and his Danish super model wife.

2. A broker from London who has lived with his ex model wife in Monaco for the last 15 years with offices in London, Monaco, and New York.

3. An Irish couple...he owns an insurance company and just spent 2 weeks with Clooney and Pitt in LA negotiating a deal to insure their productions for financial loss. She owns a software development company that just won a contract with NASA.

4. Another couple from the UK – he is a skipper that works for a Russian billionaire. The billionaire owns a few super yachts in the Med and a few more in the Caribbean….GFC; what GFC?!

5. Oh…some poor backpackers from Brisbane that keep themselves busy watching their bank balance plummet!

Based upon the people invited you’d have thought the Child Bride and I would have spent the whole evening standing in the corner talking amongst ourselves and stealing cutlery…but it wasn’t like that …we didn’t take any cutlery!

Actually they were really nice and made us feel very welcome…so much so that, despite the girls having school the next day, we ended up staying on once the others had left….finally leaving around 10.30pm.   The Child Bride had too much to drink and ended up holding hands with her ‘new best friend’ and trying to pick a black spec from her teeth….yes it was embarrassing to watch!! Suffice it to say the Child Bride had a wicked hangover the next day….luckily for her I drop off and pick up the girls from school so she spent the next day recovering!

Over the next few weeks we continued with our French lessons until we came to the realization that we really couldn’t afford such an expense but also without living here and immersing ourselves totally we would never speak the sort of French I wanted to speak. A bit of a sad realization for me…Oh well…I’ll just have to retire here…and believe me…I would absolutely love to do that.

The Child Bride has no doubt detailed al of the places we have visited including what she ate for lunch etc etc…so I wont go over that. However, I must be honest…from my perspective the food has not been as great as I had expected. Maybe I’m just not into food enough to actually know when I’m eating great food. Food is a bit of an inconvenience to me…not an event. Its just something you do when you are hungry. However, for the Child Bride it is an event.

Lunch at Marco Polo (on the beach)

Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed a lot of meals since we have been away but none have really blown me away.  

Funnily enough the trip to the Fragonard perfumery in Grasse with the Stormans didn’t blow me away either, although it was very funny. A sales woman disguised as a museum-guide explained the intricacies of perfume-making  and the Child Bride and Bumchinya dutifully paid a fortune for some of their over-priced smelly spray. We were all asked to sniff scents and then try to distinguish what they were. And as always there are always those tossers at the front of the line who raise their arms and get it right. On this tour we had Mr and Mrs Right from England. Him in his brown sandals and black socks and roman Senator bowl haircut…and her in her floral dress and sandals with factor 30 sunscreen on a day when we were all in coats! People should be warned when there are those sorts of people on your tour!

So whilst Ceasar and his wife were getting all the answers correct unfortunately when I was asked to identify what was in the perfume my answer ‘Shower-Power’ went down like a cup of cold vomit…much to the amusement of Storms and myself but to the condemnation of the rest of the tour, especially Caesar and his wife and The Child Bride and Bumchinya. 

So whilst the girls became increasingly excited at the prospect of buying some perfume straight from the 300 year old factory Storms and I amused ourselves by dreaming up a situation where somebody farted just as the sales woman asked the group to identify the various scents and seeing if Caesar picked the right answer then!!

The Stormans have now departed and our house is quiet and empty again. School routine has returned and the rain they brought with them has remained here. We’ve had about 8 days of rain and 5 overcast days now in the 3 months we’ve been here…..I am reminded of what I can expect when we return to Oz!!!

Je vis le rêve!